Meet The Losers

Little River Ben

Ben Wilinski is a true renaissance man and often over qualified for the job. Ben is banking his retirement on cashing in his vast collection of artificial wood floor samples.

Favorite Song: Never Gonna Give You Up⠀

Favorite Music Style: Kazoo Yodeling

Favorite Color: Neon⠀

Musical Influences: The Lundstrum Family

Hobbies: Collecting lawn darts⠀

Quote: “87% of people have back pain”

Captain Corey

Corey Rae White, You will find the captain most hours of most days maintaining his strong statuesque beard, keeping it well fertilized in various beard oils and a constant drenching of dark dark beard dyes. 

Favorite Song: Walk Hard⠀

Favorite Music Style: You call this country music!! Why this isn’t country music!! When I was a boy country music wa………………………….”sorry the Captain is old and did not get the question”⠀

Favorite Color: John Deer Green⠀

Musical Influences: David Hasselhoff⠀

Hobbies: Framing sand

Quote: “Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.”

Pina Kalliah

Kalliah (Jackson) Whalen was born in the great Pacific Northwest and was raised on huckleberries, fry bread and noodle fishing for salmon. 

Favorite Song: We Are The World⠀

Favorite Music Style: Tuvan Throat Singing⠀

Favorite Color: Clear

Musical Influences: Ric Flair

Hobbies: Measuring 

Quote: “If Cinderella’s shoe fit so perfectly, then why the hell did it fall off?”


Mr. Kenneth Garnier is best know for yelling “hey get your finger out of there!” at the 2018 world bowling championship during the final frame of the final round. To Matters worse, he was yelling at the guy sitting next to him.

Favorite Song: Its Raining Men⠀

Favorite Music Style: Legends of Heavy Metal Banjo⠀

Favorite Color: Pink highlights 

Musical Influences: Gary Busey⠀

Hobbies: Competitive napping⠀

Quote: “He who farts in church sits in his own pew”

The Professor

Jordan Hedlund is an original. Although he plays keys and sings background vocals with the Losers. He also plays drums, bass, guitar, wood block, slide whistle, and is a world renown triangle player who is praised and admired in triangle circles around the world.

Favorite Song: The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps

Favorite Music Style: Himalayan Polka

Favorite Color: Off Dark

Musical Influences: Uncle Jesse from  Full House

Hobbies: Juggling Kittens ⠀

Quote: “If a fart happens while you sleep and no one is around to hear it, it’s not a fart stupid! its moment of clarity”

The Anchor

Mr. Ethan Skelton apparently had a set of weights called him a sissy so he has been shown them whats up for several years now.

Favorite Song: Man, I Feel Like A Woman⠀

Favorite Music Style: Classical Tuba⠀

Favorite Color: Shiny⠀

Musical Influences: Lindsey Lohan⠀

Hobbies: Shipping elephants

Quote: “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday laying in a hospital dying of nothing”


Snowman is a young man from Nantucket, whose saxophone is so long……..”dude you can’t write that on the website!!!”

Favorite Song: Grandpa Got Run Over By A Reindeer ⠀

Favorite Music Style: Pirate Metal

Favorite Color: Burnt Linoleum ⠀

Musical Influences: Captain Corey⠀

Hobbies: Multiplying multiples 

Quote: “There once was a Snowman from Nantucket, whose sax was sooooooo long you could”  DUDE!! Seriously knock it off!!