Little River Ben
Ben Wilinski is a true renaissance man and often over qualified for the job. Ben is banking his retirement on cashing in his vast collection of artificial wood floor samples.
Favorite Song: Never Gonna Give You Up⠀
Favorite Music Style: Kazoo Yodeling
Favorite Color: Neon⠀
Musical Influences: The Lundstrum Family
Hobbies: Collecting lawn darts⠀
Quote: “87% of people have back pain”
Captain Corey
Corey Rae White, You will find the captain most hours of most days maintaining his strong statuesque beard, keeping it well fertilized in various beard oils and a constant drenching of dark dark beard dyes.
Favorite Song: Walk Hard⠀
Favorite Music Style: You call this country music!! Why this isn’t country music!! When I was a boy country music wa………………………….”sorry the Captain is old and did not get the question”⠀
Favorite Color: John Deer Green⠀
Musical Influences: David Hasselhoff⠀
Hobbies: Framing sand
Quote: “Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.”
Pina Kalliah
Kalliah (Jackson) Whalen was born in the great Pacific Northwest and was raised on huckleberries, fry bread and noodle fishing for salmon.
Favorite Song: We Are The World⠀
Favorite Music Style: Tuvan Throat Singing⠀
Favorite Color: Clear
Musical Influences: Ric Flair
Hobbies: Measuring
Quote: “If Cinderella’s shoe fit so perfectly, then why the hell did it fall off?”
Blaquaman
Mr. Kenneth Garnier is best know for yelling “hey get your finger out of there!” at the 2018 world bowling championship during the final frame of the final round. To Matters worse, he was yelling at the guy sitting next to him.
Favorite Song: Its Raining Men⠀
Favorite Music Style: Legends of Heavy Metal Banjo⠀
Favorite Color: Pink highlights
Musical Influences: Gary Busey⠀
Hobbies: Competitive napping⠀
Quote: “He who farts in church sits in his own pew”
The Professor
Jordan Hedlund is an original. Although he plays keys and sings background vocals with the Losers. He also plays drums, bass, guitar, wood block, slide whistle, and is a world renown triangle player who is praised and admired in triangle circles around the world.
Favorite Song: The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps
Favorite Music Style: Himalayan Polka
Favorite Color: Off Dark
Musical Influences: Uncle Jesse from Full House
Hobbies: Juggling Kittens ⠀
⠀
Quote: “If a fart happens while you sleep and no one is around to hear it, it’s not a fart stupid! its moment of clarity”
The Anchor
Mr. Ethan Skelton apparently had a set of weights called him a sissy so he has been shown them whats up for several years now.
Favorite Song: Man, I Feel Like A Woman⠀
Favorite Music Style: Classical Tuba⠀
Favorite Color: Shiny⠀
Musical Influences: Lindsey Lohan⠀
Hobbies: Shipping elephants
Quote: “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday laying in a hospital dying of nothing”
Snowman
Snowman is a young man from Nantucket, whose saxophone is so long……..”dude you can’t write that on the website!!!”
Favorite Song: Grandpa Got Run Over By A Reindeer ⠀
Favorite Music Style: Pirate Metal
Favorite Color: Burnt Linoleum ⠀
Musical Influences: Captain Corey⠀
Hobbies: Multiplying multiples
Quote: “There once was a Snowman from Nantucket, whose sax was sooooooo long you could” DUDE!! Seriously knock it off!!